Who Did You Come With?
At a friend’s wedding a few months ago, I ran through the typical gamut of questions to get to know the other guests at my table: “How do you know the bride and groom?” “Do you live here?” “Are the shrimp and grits worth the wait in line?” (FYI, they are always worth the wait in line.) As a young adult in my late twenties, I’d pretty much mastered the elevator-pitch answers to most questions that help you to make someone’s acquaintance at these gatherings. I greeted a former colleague, and she asked a question that, quite unexpectedly, threw me off: “Who did you come with?”
“Who did…” I repeated back, buying time, reticulating splines. “Um… myself?” Why was I dazed and confused by such a simple question? I knew for months after sending in my “1 of 1 attending” RSVP that gathering there that day was a solo mission about which I was pretty excited. In fact, I actually enjoy attending weddings by myself. I only have to get food from the buffet for myself. I only have to consult with myself regarding when it’s time to make my departure. All this to say, I don’t even remember the inquisitor’s response to my answer, but I was reminded of 3 things from this disorienting experience:
1. We were made for relationship. We live in a world that’s more connected than ever before, but lonelier than ever before. In 2018, the U.K. appointed a minister of loneliness after amassing data on the detrimental impact of loneliness on the well-being of its citizens. As a proud introvert with a subconscious maximum daily word count, I know how it feels to just want to be left alone sometimes. But as someone who once felt disconnected from friends, family, and intentional community for some time, I know that the unmet desire to be in community can lead to feelings of depression, bitterness and regret, and seasons of unproductivity and listlessness. Which leads me to my next point…
2. Quality over quantity: Some people find it very easy to make friends while others may struggle to find even one meaningful friendship (I’ll be exploring the latter dispo in an upcoming post, so stay tuned!). Wherever you may fall in that spectrum, never stop pursuing quality friendships, and never stop assessing the quality of your friendships. While we’re all in a constant state of change, our rates and directions of change are not the same. We can all stand to be better friends. Sometimes that means saying yes more, and sometimes that means saying no more.
3. Lastly,
No one:
Someone married/engaged for 3 days: “to all my single friends, [insert unsolicited advice].”
What does this have to do with anything I’ve said thus far? Not a lot. But can y’all please stop doing this to us single people? We will love and appreciate your wisdom… in its due time!
In love and veritas,
Chioma